I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
