All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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