...so i touched it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
