I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
