Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
