420 ftw
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
