Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
