Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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