I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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