party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
