Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
