I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
