when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Even my vagina gasped.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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