she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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