I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had to cum in my sink.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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