I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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