Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
