I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
