I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
