so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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