Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
