Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
