My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
