your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
