you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
