Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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