Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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