She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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