I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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