Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
