I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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