i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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