how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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