i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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