Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
