your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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