Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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