I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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