this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize