he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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