its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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