At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
