and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
