if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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