I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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