Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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