giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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