i already hear my dad disowning me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
