he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You did what with his pubic hair?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize