I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
