I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
