This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
