my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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