Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
