my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
