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I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
