he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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