So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
