I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
