Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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