Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
