I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it fun? or sober?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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